dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
I look better un-naked...
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Randomize
