We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Randomize
