And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
