I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
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