At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
he's gonorrhea incarnate
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
Randomize
