Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
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