Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
Randomize
