Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Randomize
