Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
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