My nipple is on Facebook.
The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
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