I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Randomize
