Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Randomize
