Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
Randomize
