Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
meet me or not, i'm out of control
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
Randomize
