Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize
