Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
he told me I talked like a deaf person
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
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