i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
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