Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Randomize
