I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
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