If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
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