My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
Randomize
