so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
Randomize
