I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
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