i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
how do you play pong handcuffed?
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
Randomize
