someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
Randomize
