That's intense
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
Randomize
