I was born with a shot glass in my hand
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
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