One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
Randomize
