dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
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