Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
She told me I should be a condom model.
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
Randomize
