dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Randomize
