I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
