Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
Randomize
