K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
