nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Randomize
