...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Randomize
