Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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