At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
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