Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
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