How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
Randomize
