god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
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