Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
Randomize
