Im at strip club and am horny
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
Randomize
