She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
Randomize
