apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
If I die, sorry about rent.
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Randomize
