Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
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