after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
Randomize
