you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
Randomize
