JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
Randomize
