Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
Randomize
